isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
