I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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