blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
