And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
