Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
