If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
