When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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