They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im six kinds of drunk right now
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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