i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
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She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
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his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I have post one night stand depression
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