I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
