I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
