a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
