So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
