Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
