Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
