All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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