it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
