I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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