I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
