shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
