After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
