I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
