It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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