oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
