Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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