i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
