Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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