i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
