I'm passing your future prison.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
