seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
