I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
