hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
