I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
