Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
