I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
