It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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