dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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