she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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