with your own penis?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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