I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I puked a lego.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
