i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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