Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
