thus making me awesome and them whores
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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