this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
