After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
