By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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