I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
