yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
