We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
