I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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