sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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