Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
