Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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