OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I want to make a zoo with you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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