I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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