If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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