Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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