I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles