Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.