I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.