Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.