please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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